My Testimony



Disclaimer:

This is not a formulaic outline of how Jesus saves people, it is a "Reader's Digest condensed version" of how Jesus saved me. When Jesus was amongst us prior to the crucifixion He healed many people but He didn't follow any formulas or repeated rituals. To one He simply spoke, to another He used spit mixed with mud, and another simply touched the hem of His garment. He was the source of healing, it wasn't the manner He chose to perform the miracle that was the miracle. He is miraculous, it doesn't matter what methods He chooses to reveal the fact. I'm also keeping it rated G, it is not meant to titillate or amuse bored internet surfers so therefore I will spare you all of the sordid details. I know without a shadow of a doubt Jesus didn't choose me because I earned or deserved it in any way whatsoever. I blundered and blundered terribly and was and am completely without excuse and can say I was a horrible sinner that God decided to save. So, on with it...



I was brought up somewhat religious...I say somewhat because my parents decided to start going to church when I was 9 years old, and then it was not to an orthodox Christian denomination but rather to a heterodox organization called the Seventh day Adventists. It taught that in order to be right with God we had to go to their church on Saturdays (which according to them starts at sundown Friday night). For that reason I was forbidden to attend Friday night football games in high school.



When I graduated high school I left home (parents) to marry a Mormon boy I had met in school, had two daughters with him, worked in a health food store and read every book they had on their shelves, many of them about meditation, Buddhism, yoga, extreme diets like the Beverly Hills Diet and the Atkins Diet, etc, as well as several about vegetarianism and one that was about breatharianism (a big-time hoax).



There was no shortage of heresy to be found there and at the time one philosophy was as good as another so why not learn about them all and pick the one which suits me best. I decided to experiment with marijuana, psychedelic mushrooms (“shrooms”) and all kinds of idiotic extremes thinking it was all there for the enjoyment because life is to be lived and experienced fully, bla-bla-bla-bla-bla. I was one of the “silly women” spoken of in 2nd Timothy 3:6.



In the spring of 1988 a family of “back-slidden Christians” were talking with me about the Bible and explained that my spirituality (New Age) shoved Jesus away from me in my attempts to become a goddess. They gave me a Bible to read and loaned me their tapes entitled “The Hidden Dangers of the Rainbow”. I realized how rude I was to God, and was very sorry and grieved over my numerous sins. I prayed for God's forgiveness.



That's when the trouble began.



The first night after begging Jesus for forgiveness I had horrible nightmares. The next day I visited some friends, and as we passed a joint (marijuana cigarette) every word they spoke sounded like demonic spirits saying hideous things about me. My two daughters were with me and I caused them much anguish. It made me realize how horrible I was. 

I quit the drugs immediately, the desire for them fell off of me like a dirty coat, I was repulsed by even the thought of doing them. However the spiritual torments continued for years. At times I truly felt that I had lost my mind entirely, and would pray through these times asking God to intervene. I thought about trying to find an Alanon or synanon group to join, but I always ended up getting steered away from anything like that. It was just me and Jesus, and anyone that He happened to use to help me with questions or advice as the immediate circumstances would call for. No matter how difficult each day was I turned to Jesus, one day at a time, trusting Him, and asking Him to help me trust Him.



One evening after work I was sitting in my car in the dark, feeling lost, my head felt like an empty space, like the wheels weren't turning, couldn't think. I felt terrible and hopeless. I prayed and begged God to help me know what I needed to do. I wanted to understand if there was a purpose to my life and if He could reveal it to me. I sat and tried to think....nothing. I sighed and sat. It was very quiet. Then there were words that sounded sort of like bells or tiny trumpets that spoke to me in the stillness. The words seemed to be on the outside of me but they could have entered directly into my brain, lightly, like they floated in quietly. The words were “Worship The Truth”. I ran into the house and wrote down what those words mean...



Worship: Adore, love, put ahead of everything else, give obedience and respect towards as acts of worship



Truth: Jesus, perfection, that which is correct, honesty, preciseness ( with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel), the sword of the spirit, accuracy, keeping your word, telling the truth,  trustworthiness, being true and loyal and honorable



I filled up an entire page of lined notebook paper with words that came to my mind.

Now it felt like my life had a direction. I understood that to live my life in its fulness and best I needed to worship the truth. I should do everything as accurately and honestly as I could as acts of love and worship for God, not as works for God, but because He loved me first and it's the least I can do for Him to show my love and respect for His goodness and kindness and perfection, and He would in return keep blessing me through the life I'm living as a result of living it with true purpose. (by blessing I do not mean that he gives me everything I want and/or everything I ask for...but however He does give me everything I need in every situation even if I lose everything, and eventually I will lose everything in this life, yet I still won't lose the most important thing, which is not a thing, He is a person/Savior/God)


There have been other situations that God intervened in miraculous ways:

  1. I was attacked twice in my car, one of those times the guy dragged me to his car and kidnapped me in the middle of the night (I worked nights until 1 a.m.) I cried out to Jesus both times and both times Jesus delivered me out of those situations.
  2. I had my car stolen and a friend at work, also a Christian, agreed with me in Jesus asking that the culprits would be caught quickly. The guys that stole my car attacked other people and were arrested two hours after stealing my car. It was impounded and then returned to me the next day!
  3. I've had answers to prayer about something I didn't understand in the Bible. The answer came through a pastor on a Bible radio program the week after I asked the Lord about it.
  4. Once when I asked Jesus during a moment of extreme distress to please help me know that He could see exactly where I am and how I feel, I opened the Bible and the way the text in my Bible was this verse stood out by itself and my eyes went directly to it: As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. Song of Solomon 2:2 and I knew that my name Susan means “lily of the valley” however please understand that I know that the Bible is not a fortune cookie and that isn't what I was trying to do at all, but at the same time it was so comforting to me at that moment because He came to me that way in my distress.



There have been many other things that have happened in my life that I thank the Lord for, small miracles where God gave me His counsel  whether through the Bible, or through a radio broadcast, or a person talking to me at work. I'm sure it happened even more than I realize. These were not "special private revelations in addition to the Bible", they were comforts to me, to remind me that He loves me and cares for me every day in every way, better than the most loving earthly father or husband ever could. Many could say “these things are just coincidental, you are superstitious” or what have you, and you might think that is true, however, I know my Lord. He is able to do anything even the little kindnesses that help me understand just a tiny bit of His love for me. He is righteous and holy, He is mighty to save, patient and kind, and He keeps His word. 

And now that He strengthened me through those days of my days of growing in Him when providing me His milk when I was very weak and immature, I also understand that He can provide for me meat in my spirit during lean years. If I  get thrown into prison like some of our Bible heroes had to do, or have to head for the hills to run away from Sodom and Gomorrah, He will give me the strength and ability to endure whatever comes my way. He is my everything so even if I lose everything in this world I still have the most important thing: Truth. He (Truth=Jesus/Saviour) is eternally True and trustworthy. He is the foundation of my life, and everything  rests on Him.

I want to again affirm that I do not believe in "special revelations" and did not seek the Lord to give me "a word of wisdom" at any time. I was hopelessly lost, and the Lord was and is generous in His mercy toward me. Before I was saved I could not understand what I was reading in His word the Bible. It was all dry words on page after page. I thought I needed someone to help me understand what the words meant, that it required someone with more wisdom and education and a special something that I didn't have. After I turned to Jesus, He made His word the Bible come alive to my understanding. Each day I see and understand something new and fresh that He shares with me to sustain me in this world which has so many frightening aspects. No matter what happens, He helps me to understand that He is always with me, through thick and thin, to direct my path and to teach me more about Himself. Life has become a wonderful adventure.

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